Many people frequently feel like their partner could be ashamed of them. Whether it’s avoiding closer contact in public or refraining from introducing their partner to other people in their life, hiding partners is becoming increasingly frequent.
Although it’s an old notion, it has a new name: pocketing. So, here’s what you need to know about pocketing, its main signs, and how to deal with it in a relationship.
What Is Pocketing and How to Recognize It?
Figuring out when to introduce your partner to other people in your life can be very tricky. While it comes naturally in some relationships, it can be a major red flag or a deal-breaker for many — especially for the partner who feels left out.
Relationship experts explain that pocketing isn’t simply avoiding introducing your partner to your parents. On the contrary, the partner-parent meeting is considered a significant milestone in every relationship, while pocketing encompasses several behavior patterns that reveal a deeper problem.
Most common signs of pocketing in a relationship
If you’re feeling like your partner is going out of their way to keep the distance between you and other aspects of their life, you’re probably right. The following are common behaviors that are a telltale sign your partner is actively hiding you from the world:
- You’re never on their social media. Maybe your partner is one of those people who aren’t too active on social media, and that’s fine. Instead of focusing on whether they post photos of you, try to look into what they do about public interaction with you. If your comments on their posts are ‘disappearing’ and they remove/never approve tags on your posts, it’s time to think about the future of your relationship. It’s this form of pocketing in relationships that’s becoming increasingly prominent in recent years.
- They treat you as a friend in public. Does your partner avoid sitting close to you or move away if you get close or try to take their hand? Making you seem like nothing more than a friend is a popular method of pocketing. It can appear as anything from keeping distance to avoiding to introduce you as their partner to people you run into.
- You rarely go out or you go out to small, unpopular places. It’s always nice to have a quiet evening at home with your loved one, but after a while, it can become monotonous. If your partner insists on staying in every time you meet or chooses far away places, it’s certainly something to worry about. These two behaviors are frequent among those who are trying to avoid being seen in public with their partner.
- They avoid introducing you to their friends and family. If it’s been months since you started seeing each other, and you still haven’t met his family or closer friends, you’re most definitely being subjected to pocketing in a relationship. Partners who do this keep finding excuses or making up explanations as to why they can’t introduce you to others. Furthermore, if they never mention other people in their life, it’s very probable their friends/family don’t know you exist at all.
How to Deal With Your Partner Hiding You
Pocketing frequently goes hand in hand with other problematic behaviors such as micro-cheating in a committed relationship. It can crush one’s confidence, so it’s crucial to solve it as soon as it appears — keep reading how to do so efficiently.
1. Talk to your partner
It’s important to keep in mind that all relationships are different and what works for some may not work for others. No matter how you choose to deal with it, the best way to start solving the situation at hand is to have an honest conversation about how you’re feeling.
People who feel that they’re being hidden are frequently hesitant to speak up because they fear they’re overreacting. However, when you find yourself googling: ‘’When should he introduce me to his family?’’ it’s time to have a serious conversation with your partner.
If you want to have a productive conversation, try not to jump to conclusions or accuse your partner of something you aren’t even sure is real. The situation could escalate and cause much bigger problems than those you set to solve in the first place.
It’ll definitely be one of the more awkward conversations, you may even feel ashamed to start it, but it’s the only way to solve the situation. Make sure to give them a chance to explain their behavior or how they see the entire situation.
In some cases, people hide their partners due to past trauma or unresolved issues. It could even turn out to be that they’re not hiding you, but their family if there are family issues or problematic relationships they don’t want to expose you to.
2. Acknowledge your own feelings
The number one issue that people who feel pocketed by their partner have is a feeling of shame and a feeling less worthy. The more time passes, the more they feel like they actually deserve to be hidden.
Pocketing in relationships isn’t an easy thing to process, so make sure to take time for yourself after you’ve had the talk with your partner. Due to the complexity of emotions, it takes time to process new information and make a decision on how to proceed:
- If your partner insists that you’re overreacting and that what you’re feeling isn’t valid, you should seriously consider leaving the relationship. Dismissing your feelings and making you doubt yourself is one of the early signs of manipulation — you may not know how to leave someone you love, but you have to put yourself first.
- If your partner acknowledged the existing problem and agreed to work with you on solving it, you still need to take some time to be with yourself. While this is a great start, it won’t magically erase the hurt you experienced prior to it.
3. Set the boundaries for future
If you made the decision to work on your relationship, you need to talk to your significant other and set clear boundaries for the future. The problem of pocketing in a relationship requires serious discussion and effort on both sides.
One thing to keep in mind is that you’ll need to compromise in order to find the best possible solution. If the set boundaries arent’ acceptable to both of you, it’s just a matter of time before the same problem arises again.
So, no matter how hurt you are, try not to make ultimatums and allow your partner to have a say in the conversation. If you both understand where the other one comes from, it will be easy to agree on boundaries that shouldn’t be crossed.
There’s no guarantee that it won’t happen again, but in that case, you’ll know what you need to do next. You should in no way remain in a relationship where your feelings aren’t respected, and your partner isn’t ready to put in the effort to make it work.
Conclusion
All in all, pocketing in relationships is an issue that happens to many people through no fault of their own. We hope to have demystified it and helped you decide on which road to take in order to solve it.
FAQ
What is pocketing?
Pocketing is a term used to describe the situation in which one partner is actively hiding the other from the public or other people in their life. It encompasses a variety of behaviors and signals there are relationship problems that need to be solved.
When should he introduce me to his family?
He (or she) should introduce you to their family when both of you feel comfortable with it, within a reasonable time frame. Most people wait several months before introducing their partner to their family, but if you feel you waited for too long, you should discuss your feelings with your partner.
What to do if my boyfriend hides me from his family?
If you feel like your significant other is hiding you, you should start an open conversation and tell them how you feel about it. Give them a chance to explain their point of view and see if you two can find a compromise that suits you both.
What to do if I don’t want to introduce him to my family?
If you don’t want to introduce your partner to your family, you should acknowledge your feelings and their cause. If you feel like it’s too soon or there are family issues, be open with your partner to avoid problems in the future.