Heartbreak is integral to our love life, but being betrayed by someone you love cuts deeper than a knife. It takes time to get over being cheated on, but it’s not the end of the world, and you will survive.
You’ll experience a rollercoaster of emotions, from boiling rage to absolute devastation, wondering what you did wrong and doubting everything and everyone. The sadness might seem overwhelming, but accepting and working through your emotions will help you heal.
There are two main roads to take after being cheated on. You can either stay in the relationship and try to fix it or leave for good and give priority to your recovery. Neither road is easy, but there are ways to make them more bearable, so let’s talk about them.
There are two main roads to take after being cheated on. You can either stay in the relationship and try to fix it or leave for good and give priority to your recovery. Neither road is easy, but there are ways to make them more bearable, so let’s talk about them.
How To Get Over Being Cheated On and Not Break Up
Statistically speaking, many couples don’t break up immediately after cheating. Whatever the reason, staying together after cheating will require time and effort on both sides. Here are some aspects to consider when making this decision.
Is the relationship worth saving?
The first step is self-reflecting and answering some questions. Why did it happen? Was it a one-time thing, or will it happen again? Does this person deserve to regain my trust? Is there a way forward, or is this a sign we should part ways?
Weighing the pros and cons of saving a relationship also means reflecting on its quality before cheating. If you’re both determined to stick together and salvage an otherwise happy relationship, there’s a chance it can work.
There are many long-term effects of being cheated on you’ll have to deal with, but the question is whether your partner truly regrets what they did and are willing to be the solution to the problem they created in the first place.
Face your partner.
It’s important to understand why the cheater cheated. Many people cheat as a way out of their relationship. Others seek to meet some unfulfilled needs or to be validated outside the relationship, and some simply do it for the heck of it.
You have every right to know why your partner cheated on you. It will probably be hard to hear, but you must set things straight before going further. You should openly talk about your feelings and accept that you won’t be comfortable with each other for a while.
If you think you can’t handle this kind of conversation alone, you can seek the help of a therapist. Couple therapy is a great way to get an objective perspective on your relationship and learn how to heal after being cheated on.
Communicate your problems.
Sweeping problems under the rug is not uncommon in a relationship, and it often escalates into unresolvable conflicts. Just remember two things: you can’t be blamed for other people’s actions, and there’s no excuse for cheating.
That said, both sides should have a chance to express their dissatisfaction. There were probably neglected issues that drove you apart and prompted one of you to go astray. If that’s the case, you should work on resolving them together.
Focus on rebuilding your self-worth within the relationship.
Cheating is a form of betrayal that crushes our self-esteem because we’re convinced we’re not good enough. Most people feel unattractive after being cheated on and blame themselves, thinking they did something wrong.
Part of your healing process is to love yourself again and regain lost confidence. If you used to neglect any hobbies and interests to do what your partner likes, now is the time to make room for them.
Have patience.
It takes to two tango your way back into a happy relationship, but you should understand that it can’t happen overnight. You will probably have anger, sadness, and depression episodes, but that’s normal and expected, especially at the beginning.
Time gives perspective, so if you can forgive and move on, your mutual efforts will be rewarded with a better and stronger relationship. If you can’t leave the past in the past, breaking up is probably the healthier choice, which is also perfectly fine.
Getting Over Cheating After A Break-Up
Unlike ethical monogamy, where both partners consent to having other people in their relationships, cheating means going behind your partner’s back, so no wonder many people can’t push past this point and decide to leave. Let’s talk about healing after breaking up with a cheater.
Cut off all contact with your ex.
Breaking up will leave you an emotional wreck, and the last thing you need is to see your ex’s photos and send desperate texts. You might see something that will upset you or get tempted to go back together against your better judgment.
Going no contact with your ex and sticking with your guns will help you forget them sooner. Ask your friends not to mention them, and don’t spy on them from different profiles. You decided to move on, so allow yourself to do it.
Let yourself grieve.
There will be a whole rollercoaster of emotions, and they’re all necessary to overcome grief. Looking in the mirror and saying, “I got cheated on” out loud is painful, so let yourself feel whatever emotion comes your way.
Accept your feelings and don’t hide from them by keeping yourself busy or never spending time alone. This process is essential for a healthy recovery. Never suppress or fear negative emotions, or you won’t be able to heal and move on.
Leave what happened in the past.
Overthinking rarely brings anything other than more anxiety and grief. Try to keep your mind distracted and do something that usually lifts your spirits, like dancing to a happy song or taking your dog for a walk.
Constantly thinking about what happened won’t change or erase it, and you may never understand it. If you have trouble with intrusive thoughts, try some mindfulness techniques or other forms of meditation.
Reach out for support.
Recovering from infidelity is a vulnerable time, and many can’t deal with the depression after being cheated on. Isolating yourself can be helpful sometimes, but it’s healthy to spend time with people who care about you and talk about your current emotional state.
You can also try self-help, therapy, or support groups with people who share your experience. Objective advice can help you change your perspective and be more optimistic.
Don’t be afraid of the future.
Being cheated on can put us off from wanting a new relationship. You may think you’ll never love again and that everyone will hurt you, but that’s not true — you were simply with the wrong person.
Holding on to these beliefs is easier, so you might reject new love in the beginning, but don’t be afraid to open your heart to new people. Your experience with cheating changes you, but not everyone’s the same, and your new partner might just surprise you.
Long-term Effects of Being Cheated On
One thing is certain — being cheated on will make you revisit your attitude about love and relationships. Here are the most frequent effects you might experience.
Trust issues
Cheating violates all principles of commitment within a relationship and erases all trust between the partners. The bad news is that now you think everyone is a liar and you may scrutinize your new partner, constantly looking for signs they’re cheating.
Shattered self-esteem
You used to be happy in your skin, but now you feel worthless. You compare yourself to your (ex) partner’s lover and stalk them on social media. This eats away your self-confidence, and you don’t understand why you weren’t good enough.
Bitterness
The pain of being cheated on leaves a bitter taste in your mouth, and you can’t seem to shake it off. It affects all aspects of your life, and you become cynical and irritable toward everyone in your life.
Toxic emotions
Does each day begin with the realization, “I hate myself after being cheated on”? You feel shame and jealousy and are insecure about every new relationship. You can’t get over the fact that you did something wrong and constantly blame yourself.
Always on guard
After having a cheating partner, you’re always too careful about every new person and won’t let your guard down so they wouldn’t hurt you. You close yourself off and have trouble building intimacy.
Change for the better
It might not feel that way, but this experience can change you for the better. After the initial hurt has passed, you’ll stop defining yourself by your relationships and learn to love and value yourself. You’ll be empowered and ready to face the world with new confidence.
What Not To Do After Being Cheated On
Getting back on your feet after cheating is not easy. Some wallow in self-pity, others react impulsively, either way distancing themselves further from the real goal — emotional recovery. Here’s how to get over being cheated on without hurting yourself along the way:
- Don’t try to get even. The anger and helplessness will tempt you to give the cheater a taste of their own medicine. Especially if you choose to stay in the relationship, this will only cause more hurt and mutual blaming, deepening your emotional gap.
- Don’t downplay the consequences. If you don’t let your partner understand the full extent of your hurt, you won’t get over your insecurities. You can’t brush it off with a “no biggie” and lead them to believe you can recover alone.
- Don’t demand to know the details. We know you’re already feeling sick after being cheated on, but hearing all the painstaking details won’t help. You can’t expect to let go of your anger if you keep imagining your partner in bed with someone else.
- Don’t try to fix the relationship with sex. While you might think sex will reestablish the broken bond between you and your partner, it won’t help you heal emotionally. In fact, you should abstain from sex until you’ve regained trust.
- Don’t blame yourself. Blaming yourself for your partner’s actions will not help you heal but only worsen the situation. If they weren’t satisfied with the relationship, there were other ways to handle it, so let them take responsibility for their decisions.
- Don’t rush the recovery. Everyone heals at their own pace, so don’t rush yourself into getting over cheating. You’ll have good days and days when you relapse, but don’t despair because it has to be that way.
Bottom Line
It might seem too much to handle, but being cheated on is not the end of the world. It hurts because you lost a part of you, but for all you know, maybe you didn’t need that part at all. Infidelity is painful, but it can change you for the better.
Remember that your recovery will start with baby steps, so don’t be too harsh on yourself. You’ll get back on your feet before you know it, ready to fall in love with the right person.
FAQ
How long does it take to heal after being cheated on?
It takes as long as it takes — there’s no universal answer to this question because everyone recovers in their own time. The most important thing is to take all the time you need and not rush the process. You WILL get over it.
How can I be happy after being cheated on?
To be happy, you have to spend some time being unhappy first. Try doing things that made you happy anyway — spending time with family and friends, turning up the volume and playing your favorite song, or pursuing a hobby you love.
These bits of happiness will help you let go of the sadness you’re feeling.
Will the pain of infidelity ever go away?
Healing from infidelity is a slow process with ups and downs, but you shouldn’t wallow in sadness and let a cheating relationship define all your future relationships. Whatever you’re thinking right now, your pain is not here to stay.
If you can’t handle the recovery process alone, seek support from your loved ones or in therapy.