Despite what you see on TV, learning how to flirt isn’t so easy in real life. When our intentions seem blurred to any person of romantic or sexual interest, it becomes obvious we need to work on our flirting game.
Navigating social situations isn’t always so straightforward, which is why this guide is here to help you win the attention of the person you like. We’re here to give you some helpful pointers and improve your self-confidence so you can shine the next time you go out.
How to Flirt with a Guy
Flirting with a guy often requires a different approach than flirting with a girl. This is because men and women tend not to read signals the same way. Luckily, there are sure things you can go for a guy to get the hint and potentially start flirting back.
Compliment Him
In the grand scheme of things and societal norms, men tend to receive fewer compliments than women, especially when it comes to romantic encounters. Therefore, filtration 101 dictates that genuine and heartfelt compliments are one of the easiest ways to a guy’s heart.
Whether you like his eyes, smile, outfit, or hair—tell him. Not only will you give him a confidence boost, but you’ll also let him know he’s desirable.
Compliments are best given face to face, with direct eye contact and a warm smile to accompany them.
Don’t Shy Away From Physical Contact
One of the best flirty tips for girls and guys aiming to get with a guy who seems hesitant is to use physical contact. If he’s been missing your signals and mistaking flirting for niceness, shatter every doubt by getting close to him.
Keep in mind that your goal here is to be playful, not pushy. Respect his boundaries and personal space, but don’t be afraid to sit next to him in a group or friends or in public.
If you’re one on one, hug him when you’re greeting him. If you’re familiar with each other already, a kiss on the cheek won’t hurt either.
Throwing in some discrete physical contact while talking is one of the easiest ways to flirt. Whether it’s lightly placing your hand on his when he says something funny or lightly pinching his arm, you’re bound to get your message across.
Be Warm & Approachable
The idea that you have to be an ice queen or king to peek a guy’s interest is outdated and a little bit hurtful. Men are people with a whole range of emotions, too, and any emotionally mature man will be more attracted to someone who doesn’t play hard to get.
Flirting with men should center around making them feel wanted and good about themselves, while also projecting self-confidence.
In other words, don’t shy away from your true feelings. Don’t wait hours to reply to a text and don’t wait for him to initiate every conversation just to gain a false sense of control over the situation.
When you’re together in person, make sure your body language is open and don’t be afraid to smile.
The answer to how to be a good flirt in this scenario lies in moderation, though. Yes, you shouldn’t be icy, but don’t go to the other side of the spectrum, either.
There’s no reason to burst out laughing at every single joke or text him immediately all the time. The whole point is to be genuine and laid back. Show you’re interested, but don’t be pushy.
Don’t Shy Away From Being Sexy
A lot of flirt tips for girls and guys center around overt sexiness, but overdoing it isn’t the secret to success. While it’s not a good idea to put on your most revealing dress or tightest shirt, there’s no reason you can’t base your sexiness on subtlety.
Showing up in an outfit like the aforementioned ones may seem like you’re trying too hard, while wearing something flattering and paying more attention to how you act can send your message across in a classier and more seductive way. Spray on an ambrosial perfume, and you’re bound to be remembered.
You don’t need to wonder how to be flirty when you wear something that accentuates your figure while leaving something to the imagination because it will come naturally. Play with your hair or jewelry a little, make eye contact while he’s talking, and trace your eyes from his lips to his eyes.
When he’s talking, lean in a little, as if you’re just naturally drawn to him. Coupling your look with subtle flirty behavior like this is bound to get his attention and let him know you’re interested. As well as that, he’s definitely going to see you as sexy.
How to Flirt with a Girl
When it comes to flirting with girls, the gist of the matter is the same—be confident and genuine. However, the approach may be different since girls are more often on the receiving end of flirting.
Flirt Tips for Guys
Don’t Use Any “Special” Technique
A lot of advice on this topic focuses on using different specific techniques that supposedly work on every girl. Whether it’s negging, obscure pick up lines, ignoring, or any other trend, they all have one thing in common.
They neglect that women aren’t a hive mind, but that they’re unique and have their own interests and opinions.
Therefore, the best way to flirt with a girl is to be honest, direct, and treat her as an individual. You don’t need any magic formula, just interest and a little effort.
Give Genuine & Specific Compliments
Girls tend to get more compliments than guys, which is why it’s not always enough to tell a girl she’s pretty, as she might not see it as flirting. However, complimenting the girl you want something romantic with is never a bad idea.
You don’t have to wonder how to be flirty with a girl with compliments anymore, as it’s all about being authentic and honest.
For example, if you see her and she looks nice, don’t just tell her that in one word. Instead, try saying her outfit looks really good or that you like the way she’s done her hair.
Complimenting more than her appearance is always a good idea, too. If you think she’s funny or smart, let her know.
Don’t Take It Too Seriously
Being tense and pushy or thinking everything she says and does is amazing tends not to be the path to successful flirting. Most women like guys who are confident in themselves, but also treat them as human beings.
When it comes to flirting techniques, though, confidence is often mistaken with cockiness and pushiness, which is why some guys are stumped when it comes to flirting. If you are comfortable with yourself, can take a joke, and keep things light during the conversation—you’re much more likely to be successful at flirting.
So, talk about her interests, joke around, and make her feel like you’re actually listening. If there’s chemistry, the conversation will flow smoothly and you won’t even have to think about it.
Flirt Tips for Girls
While the key to flirting with girls when you’re a girl is the same as when you’re a guy, there are still some differences in the approach to flirting that we have to mention.
Find Out If She’s Attracted to Girls
Before you take things further with a girl, find out if she actually dates girls. You don’t want to waste time on something that simply can’t happen and end up getting hurt.
It’s simple—you can’t learn to flirt if the person you’re interested in doesn’t look at your gender that way.
You don’t have to be pushy about finding out, either. When you start talking about your previous romantic experiences, pay attention to what pronouns she uses. You can also casually ask if she’s ever thought about dating a girl, as it will usually get a conversation going.
Be Direct
The trouble with flirting with women is that they are used to getting all kinds of open compliments from other women. As well as that, women are generally more open with physical affection towards their friends.
This is why a girl may understand you flirting as just you being friendly. To avoid this, try making more direct comments. If you already know each other and she’s already misinterpreted your advances, don’t be afraid to kick things up a notch.
Examples of flirting of this kind involve double entendres and comments that point to you finding her attractive. One good idea is to ask her out to an LGBTQ+ event. If you’re not one for playing games, it’s also not a bad idea to openly ask her out on a date or tell her you find her attractive.
How to Flirt With a Non-Binary Person
If you’ve got a little crush on someone who’s enby, you’ll need to alter your flirting approach a little. Keep in mind that confidence and respect are keys like in all other scenarios we mentioned, though.
Avoid Gender-Specific Compliments
Wondering how to flirt with your crush when they’re out of the binary in a very binary society is only natural. When it comes to compliments, it’s best to avoid words like “pretty” or “handsome” that are traditionally associated with binary genders.
Instead, you can try to make the compliments more personal and specific. Think hard about what you like about the person and don’t be afraid to tell them. If you’re still searching for more general compliments, gender neutral terms like “good-looking” or even “sexy” will send your point across loud and clear.
Respect Them
One of the most useful flirting tips we can give you is that respect gets you anywhere. When it comes to enbies, this starts with asking about their pronouns. It shows that you understand at least a little about gender identity and that you want to put their comfort first.
Another thing that can be very validating from a potential partner for a non-binary person is if you ask them how you should talk about them to others. Not everyone is out to the whole world, and showing you prioritize their safety is a very attractive trait.
In general, respecting boundaries is a world-renowned characteristic and a definite green flag.
Educate Yourself
Whether you’re flirting over text or in person, don’t expect your potential new partner to educate you about everything. It’s fine asking about their personal experience with gender (if they’re comfortable talking about it), but don’t try to lump all enby people together.
Instead, find quality resources online and learn as much as you can. The next time you talk, you can impress them with your knowledge and care about the issue. Trying to get to know and understand someone you’re interested in romantically will never not be attractive.
Flirting Through Texts
In this day and age, text flirting is more common than ever. In fact, encounters often start online then move onto real life. Considering this, it’s important to work on your flirting game over text.
Think of a Good Opener
If you’ve never met this person before but want to start talking, you’ll need a good opener. It’s likely that they get random texts from strangers all the time on social media, so the idea is to draw their attention without being crude or mean.
Flirty texts are best composed after you’ve taken a look at the person’s profile. What does it say about them? Do they like a specific thing or showcase a talent? You should start the conversation with a compliment, then. Just take extra precations to make sure you’re not being catfished.
If you haven’t noticed anything particular about their profile, it’s never a bad idea to open with a funny joke. Just stay away from inappropriate or sexual content, and you should be able to make them laugh, or at least to notice you.
Show Genuine Interest
When you text someone just for the sake of texting them or keep asking questions without talking yourself, the conversation just comes across as a formality. To keep things real, you have to show genuine interest.
Flirty text messages aren’t just designed to get the person you’re interested in to say yes to everything; they’re also a way for you two to get to know each other.
The main benefit is that you’ll find out if there’s chemistry and just how much you have in common before you even go out in real life. In more cases than not, this results in a less awkward first date, as you already know what to talk about and have some sense about what the person is like.
Show Them You’re Funny
Stop wondering how to be flirty over text and remember that humor is your best friend. Keeping things light and charming is the best way to keep the conversation going. Whether it’s general wit or sending memes, if you can make your crush laugh—you can do anything.
Not only does humor and banter set a playful mood, but it also shows you how similar your sense of humor is. This is a necessary component to chemistry and it’s powerful enough to take things with you two to the next level.
Don’t Send or Ask for Nudes
Flirting through texts seems to come down to asking for or sending unsolicited nudes more often than not. If the conversation doesn’t organically arrive to this point, there is absolutely no valid reason to ask for or send nudes.
It comes off as crude and borderline predatory in some cases. This is especially true when it comes to sending pictures of yourself. Even if the conversation seems to be moving in this direction, always ask for consent before you send anything.
Not only does it ensure everyone is on board, but it also shows that you respect the other person’s boundaries and are thinking about their feelings and comfort.
Body Language
When you’re not flirting through texts, your body language is very important. Believe it or not, nonverbal conversation is a huge part of any conversation you have daily. When it comes to flirting, that can be used to your advantage.
A playful flick of the hair along with the right words could display interest, for example. Keeping your arms at your sides or using them to illustrate a point instead of crossing them on your chest makes you more open and approachable.
Body language can also help you keep things light and relaxed. On top of that, it’s a great way to show you’re comfortable in your own body and that you’re confident.
It’s also very easy to show the person you’re listening and underline you’re interested when you nod while they’re talking, raise your eyebrows inquisitively, and smile.
Other flirting ideas where your body language accentuates your interest in the person include leaning in during a conversation, sitting close to them, playfully touching their arm, and even brushing your hand against their leg.
One important thing to note is that you should be reading the other person’s body language as much as your own. It can tell you if they’re feeling uncomfortable better and sooner than their words can.
If, at any time, you notice the person pulling away, holding their arms across their stomach for a longer period of time, or smiling with their lips but not their eyes, it might be a good idea to tone it down a notch.
Building Self-Confidence
Those wondering how to be more flirty have to remember that it’s not just about the person you’re trying to flirt with; it’s also about you. Specifically, it’s about recognizing your own value as a person and being comfortable with yourself.
Not only is self-confidence attractive, but it also helps you deal with rejection better. Let’s face it, regardless of how good you are at flirting, sometimes you will end up getting rejected. When you know your own self-worth, though, you know not to take this personally. Instead, you realize that not everyone clicks and you can accept it without feeling extremely down or lashing out at the person who rejected you.
Learning how to be cute and flirty starts with recognizing what you have to offer as a person. Is it your dashing good looks? Your charm? Your kindness or your wit? Think about what you find attractive in a partner and realize that other people most likely have similar opinions.
As well as that, work on your appearance. While your personality and attitude should steal the show, you can’t deny that physical attraction is the first thing that gets someone talking to you. In that spirit, make sure you’re always on top of your hygiene, find more form fitting clothes, and don’t be afraid to change your hairstyle or even experiment with makeup.
One of the best flirting tips you’ll get is to love and value yourself first. People pick up on those who are happy with themselves, and more often than not, it’s exactly the quality they want in a potential partner.
When to flirt
Not every situation is appropriate for flirting. Social situations where interactions are expected are better suited for letting someone know you’re into them. If the person is on the street, at a grocery store, or anywhere else just going about their business, flirting is considered inappropriate.
Filtration 101: flirting in those scenarios comes across as you being more important than the person’s time. Asking someone to stop whatever they’re doing just to pay attention to you can come across as obnoxious and pushy, even if you didn’t intend it that way.
Therefore, it’s best to stick to bars, clubs, cafes, and even casual gatherings with friends when it comes to flirting. People are already expecting to interact here, so they might even be more open to your advances. You’ll have much more success when someone is already mentally prepared for an interaction.
Conclusion
Aside from our helpful suggestions, the real answer to learning how to flirt is practice. The more you do it, the more comfortable you’ll be in the next situation where flirting is appropriate. In the meantime, work on yourself and your attitude, and you’ll get the hang of things in no time.
