Best BDSM Dating Sites for a Kinkier 2021

BDSM is becoming less taboo as people become more open minded and start exploring the world of pleasure. The concept is built on mutual enjoyment, respect, trust, and intimacy. Those looking to join the community will find this article especially useful because they’ll learn:

• What the best dating sites are
• How BDSM works
• How to stay safe
• How to find your inner dom/sub.

Affiliate Disclosure

Whether you’re just finding out about the best BDSM dating apps or already have some experience with them, ALT could be right for you. You can find partners interested in a variety of fetishes and kinks, as well as test out some of the site’s features for free.

Don’t expect to find just single people on here, though. Groups and couples are also active members looking for someone to join them in fun and experimentation. As far as joining the site is concerned, it only takes up to 10 mins to register. You will need to provide personal info such as your marital status, body type, role, sexual orientation, etc.

Without verifying your email right away, though, you won’t be able to access the website. Contacting others includes chatting with live models for free, adding members, and searching for those nearby or online. Since this isn’t a completely free BDSM dating website, you will need to upgrade your membership to be able to chat with others and read received texts.

When it comes to your profile, you can update it and improve it at any time. It’s a good idea to check out other profiles to get an idea of what yours should look like. Most of them are pretty informative (members even openly state their penis size). 

Almost every BDSM site review created by ALT’s users is overwhelmingly positive. Those who tried out this dating site were pleasantly surprised, especially since most of them had had pretty boring sex lives beforehand. They say ALT helped them rediscover their sexuality and get the pleasure they wanted.

Pros:

• Suitable for those new to BDSM
• Couples and groups included
• Active community

Cons:

• Not a very creative website/app design

If you want to explore the online world of BDSM through a free site, we’d like to introduce you to BDSM Passions, one of the biggest and most inclusive communities online. You can join for free and use most of its features for free, but you do have the ability to upgrade your membership for even more perks.

Free members can interact with others by sending virtual smooches, joining groups, sending and receiving emails, chatting, and adding people to their Favorites or Friends lists. Even BDSM Passions themselves say the paid upgrade isn’t necessary in order to enjoy the full benefits of the site.

Even though dating is the main focus of this platform, it isn’t just one of the best BDSM dating sites. BDSM Passions is also excellent for finding people with all kinds of similar interests—it made this possible by creating a lot of different communities you can connect to. For example, if you’re into yoga, you can connect to the Yoga Passions site and find your new yoga partner. This feature that allows you to become an active member of the BDSM and other communities is what makes BDSM Passions stand out from other websites. 

When it comes to your profile, all you have to do is register, complete a survey detailing your interests and kinks, and upload up to ten photos. We should also mention that customer service is available 24/7, ensuring your online safety round the clock. 

The average BDSM site review written by users expresses satisfaction with the website and stresses that there aren’t many bots, which is a huge plus. Members also love how big, accepting and friendly the community is.

Pros:

• Large number of users
• Active community
• More than just kink exploration

Cons:

• The website’s design could be more polished

Anyone who’s already experienced in BDSM must have heard of Whiplr. It’s a popular kink website because it includes a variety of fetishes you can’t find on other platforms. For example, you can choose between body sound and odor kinks.

Creating your profile is easy and detailed, allowing you to find like-minded people more easily. This is evident from just choosing your sexual orientation. For example, if you’re bisexual, the app will also ask you to mark the degree of how bisexual you are. The concept is the same for describing your kinks.

This system allows you to easily avoid those you’re not compatible with and saves you time in finding your perfect match. Interacting with other users is easy, as even free users can chat for free. What makes Whiplr stand out from other apps is that paid users even have the video chat option.

Though it’s free to download, Whiplr isn’t a totally free BDSM dating app. While female members can enjoy a free membership, male users are expected to pay. Also, free memberships offer limited options. For example, you can only start up to twenty conversations a day. If you’re in it for the long run, though, it definitely pays off to become a paid member, especially because the app offers 6-month packages. 

The average kink website review for this app was positive, and most users noted that it’s refreshing the male and female response rate is roughly equal. Much like with other dating apps, though, women do have a slight upper hand.

Pros:

• Great number of users
• Video chat option
• Detailed profiles

Cons:

• Layout could be neater

Kinkoo is one of the best BDSM dating sites and apps for anyone who already knows their fetishes and kinks and is looking to explore them with someone else. It’s simple to use and can be downloaded from the app store for free. However, the VIP membership ranges from $15.99–$38.99, depending on the duration of your subscription.

With a paid membership on, you can chat with other members, have more privacy, get unlimited swipes, see who likes you, and even see the profiles you accidentally disliked the first time around. The good news is that the block option is available to both paid and free users, so you don’t have to worry about harassment.

Kinkoo focuses on one-on-one dating, meaning that there isn’t really a community you can be a part of or forums you can check out. During the research for our BDSM site review, we noticed that there are also no FAQ or help pages, but you can always contact the customer care team if you have any issues. 

When you sign up, you get to add up to five kinks to your profile. Here, you can choose your BDSM role, and add other mostly BDSM-related kinks to your profile. The app is pretty inclusive, but it doesn’t really offer a lot of gender options, limiting anyone who isn’t cis.

Compared to other dating apps, the kink community on Kinkoo is far less active, as pointed out by many users. Additionally, there have been occasional complaints about too many bots on the platform.

Pros:

• Plenty of kinks to choose from
• Elegant design
• Affordable

Cons:

• Not an active community

Vanilla Umbrella is certainly one of the best kink apps for those who want full privacy and anonymity. You can download it but you can’t join without an invitation code. This kind of exclusivity allows couples and singles alike to explore their kinkiness without fear of judgement. 

Invitation codes are obtained through other users, so you’ll need to know someone who’s already a member in order to join. The registration process after this step is easy. You need to include your basic information, but also your fetishes, kinks, and swinging experience. However, you’re allowed to add these details later.

The user interface is centered around keeping your privacy, too. This is why the app will ask you to create your own pin which stops anyone but you from accessing. When not using it, the app will appear as a weather app on your phone, so even if someone scrolls through it, they won’t find anything suspicious. 

Reviews on kinky or BDSM dating sites show some users have mixed feelings about the app. Even though they’re satisfied with it overall, the majority feels it would be perfect if the member pool weren’t so small. The invitation-only policy may make the app safer, but it does limit your choice of users severely.

Pros:

• Genuine profiles
• Complete anonymity
• Couple-friendly

Cons:

• Small member pool

Match BDSM is one of the best dom sub websites for people who already know their kinks and what they like. The emphasis might be on discipline and bondage, but you can easily find other people who share your kinks. This platform is suitable for anyone regardless of their sexual orientation.

You can view other members’ profiles as soon as you join the website, but the only things you can see is their basic information, like their online/offline status, profile picture, age, and gender. What makes this one of the best and safest BDSM dating sites is that you can find people you click with easily by setting your search to only those who are in your area.

Interacting with other members is also possible through private chats. You can set your status to invisible or offline, and you can also see whether your contacts are online. Another neat feature is that the platform shows you when your contacts are typing, as well as giving you real-time updates on their status.

When it comes to privacy, let this kink website review be a warning that anyone who visits this site can see your profile. You don’t have to share all of the photos you want to upload with the world, though, as Match BDSM gives you the option to create a private photo gallery. You can also block users easily in case you need to.

Pros:

• User-friendly
• Regional searches available
• All sexualities welcome

Cons:

• Anyone can see your public profile

What Is BDSM?

Those unfamiliar with BDSM may already have formed an opinion of it, simply because of its portrayal in pop culture. Like numerous other pop-culture representations, though, the one of BDSM is often inaccurate. 

The truth of BDSM lies in the exploration of your boundaries with another person, being completely vulnerable with someone else, and reaching new levels of pleasure and intimacy. With the availability of free BDSM dating sites, that experience has become far easier to reach. However, BDSM is still inaccurately labeled as welcoming violence and disrespect to your partner. The most popular depiction of BDSM can be found in Fifty Shades of Grey, but it completely misses the point.

BDSM Roles

The two main roles in BDSM are the dominant and the submissive. The partner who takes charge, makes the rules, and decides on the punishment is the dominant one. Doms typically enjoy sadism more. However, their role goes beyond inflicting pain on their sub partner. They have the very important task of making sure they remain within their partner’s boundaries during sex and make them feel comfortable throughout the whole experience.

When it comes to submissives, they typically enjoy being taken care of, having someone else in charge, and can often display masochistic tendencies. Master submissive dating sites do a good job of illustrating how much subs love what their dom partner does to them, and how much they trust them not to hurt them beyond the point of pleasure. 

DDLG and Pet Play

DDLG and pet play are both part of the BDSM scene, but with a little twist. In DDLG relationships, we have the role of the daddy and the little girl (or mommy/little boy). The dominant partner takes on a more caring role that can go beyond the bedroom. 

In pet play, we have the owner and the pet. As you’ll notice on any submissive dating sites you encounter, people often like taking on the role of a pet. This allows them to let loose, explore even more boundaries, and make sex more animalistic, passionate, and primal. Leashes, collars, cages, and plug-in tails are just some of the toys associated with this experience.

It’s important to note that individuals who enjoy DDLG or pet play (or both) don’t display signs of pedophilia or bestiality. These parts of BDSM come from simple desires for exploration and are not connected to the concepts of pedophilia or bestiality.

Safewords

Safewords might be the most important part of BDSM. They’re a topic that should be discussed even before you move things off any of the vanilla and BDSM dating sites you’ve been using to chat.

During sessions, partners take on their respective roles and push each other’s boundaries but it’s easy to overstep and make your partner uncomfortable when things are getting hot and heavy. That’s why it’s important for partners to come up with a safeword before starting their session. If things start getting too much for the sub, it’s easy for them to say the safeword without putting a damper on the mood or having to explain themselves. It’s also a signal that the dom instantly recognizes, not letting the sub go beyond the limits of their comfort zone for even one second.

You also have to remember to come up with a non-verbal signal with your partner. As you’ll clearly see on any bondage dating site, subs can often be tied up or gagged, meaning they can’t communicate with their words. In fact, it’s always advised to leave one method of communication open for the sub. If they’re tied up and gagged, for example, they won’t be able to indicate they’re uncomfortable either with their words or body. So, unless you’re with a long-term partner and know their boundaries well, always make sure the sub can give a clear signal that they’re not enjoying it anymore.

Aftercare

Free BDSM dating is no different whether it’s online or offline. A person can sometimes forget that BDSM is just play and that the words uttered throughout it don’t reflect the partners’ genuine opinions. This is where aftercare comes into play.

Once the fun is over, make sure to openly communicate about what you did or didn’t like. Give lots of compliments and cuddles to your partner, and make sure they know how much you value and respect them. This is especially important for doms, since their subs are in the more vulnerable position during sex. 

It’s also a good idea to continue the aftercare and work on your boundaries further once you’re back talking on the kink dating app you met. Remember not to move the conversation to another platform while you’re still defining boundaries, just to stay on the extra safe side.

The Most Important Component – Trust

BDSM will simply never be enjoyable unless there’s mutual trust. This is why it’s very important to wisely choose who you’re having kinky sex with.

Don’t jump into bed with your new partner straight away. Talk about your expectations, experiences, kinks, likes, and dislikes. Most importantly, get to know the person. Go on dates, talk for a while, and see if you click.

Even on the best BDSM apps, people can seem great but behave awfully when you bring them to the bedroom. That’s why you need to set boundaries before actually having sex. When you start your BDSM journey, try pushing one boundary at a time. That way, you’ll see exactly how respectful your partner is and if they’ll stop when it’s clear you want them to. Once trust’s established, you’ll enjoy your BDSM experience even more and it will be easy to bring each other to new heights of pleasure each time.

Staying Safe Online

Meeting partners online is a good idea, but you have to take measures to ensure your own safety. First of all, choose BDSM dating sites and apps wisely. Our list of recommendations is made up of only those dating sites and apps which have a good reputation and lots of verified users.

Sites like that generally offer protection for their users, in terms of letting them set certain things on their profile to private, for example. On top of that, they have responsive customer care so you can talk to someone if you have a problem on their platform.

Remember never to move the conversation from any of the kink dating apps or sites where you met before you get to know the person. This way, the company can easily intervene and protect you because they’re directly responsible for the behavior of the user causing you potential harm.

Also, vet your partner carefully. Background checks are always a good idea, as is checking out other social media they may have. Always meet with them in public first and never go to their/your place on the first date.

If you want to post or send nude and sexy pictures of yourself, make sure not to include your face or any other easily identifiable features. In this case, it’s even more important not to communicate anywhere other than on the initial kink dating app or site, as the company will be able to take action in case someone cruelly leaks your photos.

How Do I Know Where I Fit In?

Dominant tendencies:

• Taking charge during sex seems natural and feels good
• Likes inflicting pain on their partner
• Likes tying their partner up
• Likes being worshipped/looked up to

Submissive tendencies:

• Likes pleasuring their partner more than themselves
• Likes pain
• Likes provoking their partner playfully
• Orders and opportunities to submit are arousing

Wrapping Up

Whether you’ve just discovered your kinky side or have wanted to try out BDSM dating for a while, the dating sites listed above will surely give you what you need. Remember that BDSM is very intimate and requires a lot of trust for a positive experience, so vet potential partners thoroughly. With the help of this article and our dating sites, you’ll hopefully get everything you were wishing for, or even more.